He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
