i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
