If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize