she told me i tasted like america
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
