also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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