it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
