just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
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