Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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