I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Randomize
