New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
