he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
