i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
