Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
