dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
