a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize