I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
