you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
