I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
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