Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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