it was like eating out sand paper
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
