I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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