I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
