I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
