There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize