maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
