When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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