i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
