No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
