I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
