I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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