Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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