he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
