Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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