i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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