Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
