I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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