he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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