he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
