i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
