I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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