Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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