i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
