Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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