obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I wear drunk well.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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