How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
