I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
