He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
