I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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