i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize