they need to just BURY HIM!
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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