I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
