So gin and wine won't be happening again
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
