he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You can't just leave with hair like that
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
