and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
