peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
