Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
