before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
