no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
