operation harelip BJ is a go
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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