mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
What a fucking waste of an outfit
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize