4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
