Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
the liver wants what the liver wants
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
i think i just lost a toe
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
