where am i from again
Farmville is her only friend.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
