I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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