i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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