This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
