remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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