I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
